Moving On!

Hey hey hey!

I will no longer update entries in blogspot... Because... Well, you can find out why by changing your links and following me on http://feliciapeh.livejournal.com/ ;)

( kononnya wanna add in elements of suspense... =P )

So... Sayonara blogspot!

Dreams~

There are times like this... when I get a little too overwhelmed by my thoughts...

To be precise... I felt that I have sold myself to the government @_@

Having just 5 months left in this place on earth called Auckland, I can't help but ponder about my future, and what I'm leaving behind... To be honest, I never thought I will fall in love with this place so deeply... Reflecting on the early stages of my arrival, I always felt that this place will never be a home but just a location that held memories of a phase of my life... But then, I came to love the people, the clean fresh air, the mind-blowing scenery, the consistent welfare support by the government, the great emphasis of the education system and values, the equality of opportunities, the quality of life... I have grown so much in this place, more than I could ever be for my past 20 years of life...

How did all these emoness started? Exactly a day ago, when we had the musical brainstorming meeting.

Jun Bin, the art director was sharing about why he forgo his engineering degree, and took up diploma in drawing animation, which could assist him in sketching plots, organise and design the framework for performing arts productions. He wanted to fulfill his childhood dream - to put his music and ideas on stage for all to see. It wasn't an easy decision to make, but he does not regret it at all.

Following that, I start to reflect on my dreams...

It is true that I'm passionate for teaching and educationg young minds, and I used to think that following my parents' footsteps and making a difference in local schools is all I ever wanted to do... I still think so... Or do I?

I guess dreams do change... In fact, I am a dreamer... Coming to a foreign land has indeed opened up my mind to endless possibilities in life, triggered my ambitious self, which led me to believe I can do more that what I have limited myself to.

I remember since I was 16, I had a dream (which I did shared with my dad, who surprisingly did not ridicule that idea of mine)... I wanted to own a boutique line of mine, with a concept. It shall be called, 'The F Word'.

I used to think that the name itself could intrigue curiousity...Lol...

Let me further explain this concept of mine (hopefully no one steals my idea!!! Hahahaha...)

F, of course refers to my name... But it does not end there... I wanted to have a few line of clothings by having my boutique in a few sections...

Section 1 - Fabulousity (where one can find fabulous evening and party wear that could make one stand out in the crowd)


Section 2 - Funky-licious (Fun clothes, neon colors, crazy designs, for the fashion dare-devils..lol)

Section 3 - Flowery summer (Summer dresses that scream flowers overdosage!!!)


Section 4 - Feminine power (work wear that ain't boring but gives the definition of fierceness and power)


Section 5 - Fairyland (fairy-inspired dresses that could make one embrace the role of a magical creature for a day... Could include princess-like dresses too)

The dream was also to increase the line if the business grow... Hahahaha... Not many people knew about this dream of mine, now you do ;)

The other dream I had was more recent. I wanted to be a nomad!

Well, not exactly... But I want to teach in different countries! By having a TESOL degree (Teaching English as a Second Language), I already have informal offers to teach in Korea or Japan where the demand is high and the pay is freaking good... Hence came the thought of... "wouldn't it be nice to teach the language in different countries by term-contracts, while having the chance to explore those lands and cultures?" Even though I'm not a native speaker in English, but I have had feedback that international students do prefer my teaching. Mainly because, I myself am a second language learner hence have more sensibility to teach the language while considering the common problems of second language learners, which are often overlooked by native-speaking teachers.

And, the dream does not end there. I hope that after travelling and teaching in a few different countries, I would have the experience and knowledge I need to open my own language school in one of the countries, or maybe settling down in Malaysia. My aim is to establish a language school that is practical with meaningful lessons that cater to second language learners' needs... Hmm... Will that remain as a dream???

After having dreams after dreams, reality struck that I'm bonded with the government for 5 years! So. by the time I'm free to do whatever I want to, I will be 28...and 28=OLD!!!

Not that I'm being ungrateful that the government has provided me with the luxury of studying overseas and a job right after I graduate... Not that I wanna disappoint my parents who lovingly hope that I could serve in malaysia because they will miss me dearly if i'm abroad (Dad constantly used the excuse of the difficulty for them, old with weak limbs, having to board the plane and fly for hours to see their grandchildren...)... I just couldn't help sighing about the limited opportunities because of this contract....


Finally, I came to realisation that I have just been dwelling on my own will and desire... And I haven't surrendered my life and future to God, believing that He has the best plans designed for me...

So, I really should stop complaining, but trust in God for his favour and wisdom...

Let's wait and see how will God lead me in this walk of mine =)


p/s. I blame the emoness on the nearing of the time of the month @_@.... Lol...

My dad says the darnest thing! ;)

Last night, dad called... We had our usual roll call (once every 2-3 days)... Dad asked whether I need more money... And, I as the filial daughter said no... After some gossip exchange and wise words, we both hang up...

Then, I went back to facebook and my online bookings... Looking at my newly-arrived glossy credit card, I decided to enlighten my friends about my new-found toy through my facebook status...

Went straight to bed after I was done with the day...

...
....
.....


*Mercy me blared from my phone in the middle of the night*

I picked up the phone... 'Ohh... a text from dad'

'Girl, u got yrself a c card? Congratz. Question: why now?'

Me, being all sleepy just replied

'Have to do online bookins 4 my trip with my oz frens'

2 more exchanges of texts... I resumed my snoring.....

Next day (aka today), dad called at 10 am... (5 am in Malaysia)...

*Note that he called me that early even though he had already called me the day before... I thought something bad happened...*

Here goes the conversation...

Me: Why are you calling me this early?

Dad: Haiyo, I got a shock yesterday ma.

Me: Huh? Why? About my credit card?

Dad: Ya lor... I thought you have some financial problems, didn't dare to tell me when I asked you whether you need more money, and applied credit card to deal with your debts...

Me: Hahahahahaha... You think I got involved with ah long and loan sharks is it?

Dad: *chuckles* Yea... Mana tau not just ah long, got ah chong, ah boon... hahahaha...

Me: Aiyo, don't worry k... I'm doing fine and I have money...

Dad: Ok lah... I just got a shock ma... You know lah you... Always keep things to yourself, and I have to find things out through your blog or facebook... Scare me only... Coz you never mentioned about credit cards then suddenly apply for one... hahahahaha

Me: Hahahaha... Ok lah... you should get ready for work...

Dad: Ahh... you take care yea.. Tell me if you need money... Love you girl.

Me: Love you too. Bye.



Ain't I blessed to have a dad like that ;)

New start..*breathes in*... ahh...

Hit a rough patch a few days ago... Won't blog about it since I have finally decided to let it go for good... Why? Because I realised there are so much more beautiful reasons for me not to dwell on it, and I'm so so so excited about my new resolutions, revelations, and phase of life...

Yup Yup, I'm gonna put a lot of things behind me and start anew... Please do pray for me as I take this new step in life =)

Yesterday was a day with mixed feelings...

I was extremely happy...
When Kelsey spotted a perfect pair of boots for me at a crazily good deal...
When Amy, Sharmyn, Kelsey and I dug into the array of pork, roasted duck, king prawns, and tofu in bbq king.
When daddy called.
When Sze Wei, Lilly, Joy and I let go all 'ayuness' and sang, danced, swayed to the songs of old times *mental reminder to get the pictures from Sze Wei, and stop her from uploading videos of yesterday which could stain my already-stained-and-well-known-luluness-personality-yet-i'm-in-denial-thinking-that-i'm-a-goddess-wth image.*
When L joked.
When Kelsey and I had our many pillow talk sessions.

Then came the sad part...
When I have to see Kelsey leave...
Missing her already... Was happy to see the once-fragile-little-girl-who-seem-like-she-could-be-blown-away-by-the-wellington-wind-and-might-not-be-able-to-reach-auckland-in-one-piece transforming into a lovely, young lady with passion, faith, and strength. That small frame of hers went through so much trials and tribulations, yet seeing her able to maintain that sweetness and innocence of hers was a breath of fresh air, and a new driving force for me =)




To the little sweet girl, I want to let you know that your stay with me was indeed some of the best days of mine in Auckland, and I love you so much I could squeeze you till there's no more fat left lingering in your body *except for the moments you kept reminding me that i'm gaining weight*...lol...

What's up next?

I got involved in the Brighter Future Musical, which I believe that it's gonna be a cool experience for me in the last days of Auckland!!! Will be helping out in the choreo of some items, such as the eco-living song... Scratching my head hard to incorporate stomp, dancing with green bags and recycleable items, videos, mime + hip hop + lyrical dance, and lots more into 7 minutes!!! *scratch scratch scratch*

Then, after getting my credit card on wednesday, I could do further bookings for our long-awaited road trip that's gonna be so crazy we might end up in jail... or maybe not...lol... *finally applied for a credit card after living here for so long just to do online bookings... man...* Worth every penny of the $25 annual fee... things i do for my babes =)

ok... its 8.26 am now... have been awake since 3.20am to send kelsey off...

Perhaps its time to roll around the bed and hide under the soft covers till I could sleep like a dead log... *hmm... sounds like a good plan...*

Have been in love with this song, sang in church...

"We will overcome... By the blood of the Lamb, and the Word of our testimony... Everyone, overcome..."

Risen from the dead.... *creeps*

Ok... I know the title of this entry is rather mysterious... and this post is nothing short of that... or at least it is to me... Have been contemplating whether to write this... but I guess I do have to let it out...

For those who knew my past, you would have known about my rather drama-like 21st birthday... if not, you could check it out here...

Well, so J has been totally out of my life for sometime that feels like forever...

My friends all prophesied his death... *ouch*

Or had most probably killed him over and over again during previous bitching sessions...

As for me, I could hardly remember him since I'm well-loved and happy right now...



Till recently...

I was on msn, while working on my assignments, and an unsaved contact popped up...

It was J...

(Turns out that I have deleted his contact but have not blocked him... @_@... yea.. I know I'm smart... blek)

It was totally unexpected... shocking... and rather amusing.... hmm...

How would you respond to a person who left you on your birthday, disappeared without a sound, changed his contacts, gave no explanations, left the last words of 'please wait for me, and I will be back', yet avoided you for what seemed forever, till he replied your email asking you to move on with a simple, insincere apology; and after more than a year contacting you with tonnes of apology and offering to make it up to you?


The answer is extremely simple for me.

I have indeed move on.

I no longer love/hate him.

I no longer question myself or blame myself for something totally not my fault.

I no longer live on uncertainties.

I no longer go against my friends and dwell in the past.

I no longer hold any grudge on him.


In fact, I sympathized and pitied him - for losing a gem like me.


Throughout the whole conversation, I could feel that he was trying hard to mend something that he thought was broken, and hinting that he could rebuild a new home over the ruins.

But the main thing is, why now? and what for?

I had to make it clear to him that my life has been great with great love, great friends, and great opportunities, and I even rejected his proposal of meeting up for 'proper explanation about the past.' I have moved on, and so should he.

L and Wira made the funniest comments regarding this incident, but they shall remain as our personal joke =P

To J, (although I doubt that you would ever come upon this)

What is past is past, let it pass. I have long forgiven you because I do not need to live my life in hatred and bitterness. I could only wish you all the best, and that you would treat the next girl better.


On a totally random note, I'm only having a tomato for dinner... @_@... Lol...

Shamelessness Alert!

Just felt like having an entry filled with pictures of mine... hahaha... i'm not denying that i'm a narcissist =P

These pictures were carefully selected from my many albums over the past few years during one of my procrastinating moments, showing me as me - silly, silly, and totally silly...

Beware, and leave this page... if you're not prepared to be bombarded by shameless pictures of me and my lovely ones...hahaha...

p/s. I'm proud of the pictures below, as they are pure masterpieces, mostly inspired by my random yet creative juices, and beautifully portrayed by my fellow partners-in-crime... awww.....

Let the cameras roll~

-The End-

And that would not be the last of it... Stay tune for more randomness and wackiness... huhu...

Ok.. This is a short post...

I just felt like saying this out...

For the first time in my life... after having a good share of friend's betrayal instances, I realised that I am disappointed with a friend of mine.. to the extent that I do not care anymore...

She did not betray me.

She did not ruin my life.

She did not abandon me.

BUT, she took me for granted.

She told me she hated most when her friends only contact her in times of need. Yet that's what I am experiencing now.

She told me she hated most when her friends exclude her completely from their lives. Yet that's what I am experiencing now.

She told me she hated most when she has been taken for granted. Yet, there's no other word better to describe what I am experiencing now.


I wish you all the best. But do not expect me to cry and beg you to be part of my life again.